but i could take the pain (sorry i broke the chain)
by HiddenByFaeries
Summary: Ash wishes to just know why his life is like this Part 4 of Child of Storms series, gift fic to OasisLake76 and PaxDuane over on AO3


To prepare y'all for this fic, be sure to listen to PVRIS' new LP. Specifically, listen to 'Old Wound' and 'Things Are Better', you'll know why.

anyways, like always, no beta so all mistakes are mine

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Satoshi, known by a lot of people as Ash outside of certain groups, was for once alone. He was in a small secluded stretch of beach, hidden unless you really knew where you were going. He had found it during one of his rare insomniac periods and had wandered around the beach, just wanting to get out of his head.

Now, he sat beneath the full moon's light, watching the tide and the more nocturnal Pokemon doing their own thing. Coming to Alola had been the rejuvenation he had desperately needed after Kalos. Yet, it had also brought trouble. Maybe not World Ending like he had been handling since he was ten, but all together it was still the end of something.

For several years, after Shamouti, Satoshi had noticed an _awareness_ that had awoken when he'd met Lugia. Who had searched him out days later and told him the truth.

Satoshi was not only the son of his human parents, but he was _also_ the long awaited child between Lugia and his ex-mate, another Legendary whose identity Lugia hadn't disclosed. Satoshi hadn't pressed, sensing the deep pain that even vaguely mentioning his ex-mate brought Lugia.

This awareness hadn't really affected Satoshi in his day to day life, just a thrum of _knowing_ and slowly being able to communicate with Pokemon and understand them. Satoshi had hidden this from his friends and family, this slow growing awareness of the world.

Then Rota happened. Meeting Lucario. Using Aura for the first time. Saving Mew and the Tree of Life. Losing Lucario.

Satoshi had railed at the world after that, he had screamed, grieving. Takeshi and May had let him be, only Pikachu had been allowed close. Then, he woke up one day and put on a fake smile and pretended Rota had never happened. It was the only way he knew how to move on.

Now, here he was, his world yet again flipped on itself. This time, with learning who exactly his other Legendary parent was. And being, not ignored per se, but more like he was being avoided. Which was _hilarious_, because he _lived on the very fucking island_ his other Legendary dad _protected_. Tapu Koko might have wanted a child with Lugia all those eons ago when they had gone to Arceus to help them out, but _clearly_ he didn't want _Satoshi_.

What was the point of asking for a child from Arceus?

Why had he had been born, when all he seemed to do was cause trouble for everyone?

Sniffling, Satoshi wiped the tears from his eyes. He had no right to cry, not now.

A muffled thump from behind him. Satoshi didn't bother to look up, he knew who it was. Soft steps came towards him, before a large body settled next to him. A huff, then the form next to him shrunk until the being was in their vaguely humanoid form they took.

Arceus sat next to him, their horns now long braids that seemed to change color and shape. They sat in silence for several long moments, time seeming to slow.

"When Mew and I came into existence, we knew and saw all. We knew Lugia and Koko would meet, fall in love, come to us for a child. We knew, and we let it all come to pass. Because, their long awaited child, was an impossible task that should never had been created. But, I bent and broke many worlds to make you a possibility. Out of love for my children, out of the love they hold for you." Arceus told him gently, tone the softest Satoshi had heard from them

"And my saving the world? What about that?" Satoshi asked, no demanded from the Creator of All.

They turned to face him then, their eyes full of dying galaxies. "It was the only way to keep the world in balance. You _are_ the balance, between Pokemon and humans. You are the storm that will sweep through the world, bringing old and new together and the world will be _better_ for it. All my children know you for who you are, and were it not for the humans that caused the situations you were in, they would have never attacked you or caused you harm."

Satoshi snorted, "And the times I've died? Was that also my purpose? To die for your children?"

Arceus shook their head, eyes sad. "No, my little hurricane. Your deaths should have never happened. I tried my very best, to negate them, to have the damage passed to me. Yet, for all the power I hold, it never worked and you would die. Those brief moments, I put the full force of my very life essence to help whoever bring you back to life. That is the truth, my storm cloud. Every day, I break my children's hearts, in small or big ways. And every day, I attempt to fix them, because I love them with my entire being."

Satoshi felt faint. His deaths weren't for some greater purpose, some way to rectify the damage caused by humans.

"You are the very best of your parents, Satoshi. Everything that they love about each other, you carry in your soul and it brings the light back into them. You are loved by all." he's told by Arceus, before just like they appeared, they were gone.

Satoshi sat there for a long time, the full moon washing over him. The ocean before him grew choppy before a great white head rose from it, shaking off sea water. A cry came from behind him and Satoshi watched and waited as his dads came to him. Lugia from the sea and Tapu Koko from the jungle.

They settled around him, their aura washing over him.

"Am I loved by you?" he asked them quietly, finally saying the dark secret he had held in his heart for so long.

Lugia reared up as if struck, Tapu Koko landed with a thud on the sand.

"Of _course_ I love you!" they cried in unison, voices overlapping. They paused, staring at each other in surprise.

"Satoshi," Lugia started. "We spent _eons_ wishing for you. Asking. Begging, Arceus and Mew for you. What happened between Koko and I, what split us apart. That was _never_ about you. _Never_."

Koko nodded, bringing his shield-like arms up to enclose Satoshi.

"We fought, said things that we can never take back. But don't you ever believe that you were the reason. Even as we split and fell apart, we still kept wishing and begging Arceus and Mew for you. You were the only hope we had after everything fell apart between us, the only thing not soured." Koko told him, voice gentle and soft. His arms were warm and solid, like they were attempting to hide Satoshi from the world for only a moment longer

"When we felt you entering the world, we were there for your first breath. We love you, Satoshi, we will always love you. That is the one thing you should never doubt from us. We love you, for the rest of our lives and yours." Lugia spoke from outside Tapu Koko's shield-like arms, they opened wide enough for his larger head to come closer to his child and ex-mate.

"You are our hope, Satoshi. Never doubt your place in the world, nor our love for you."

Finally, Satoshi let the tears he had choked back over the years, the fears unvoiced. He cried in his dad's arms, clutching the other's head in his arms. Let them start his healing process.

Hidden away from them, Arceus smiled upon the small family. They saw love in their future, love and healing and laughter. Good things that all needed, to shine when things grew dark and hard to move past. This child of love, hope, and balance was worth everything Arceus had sacrificed to make him a possibility.


End file.
